I think my best friend is dying, but I don't know how to broach the question.
First, let me explain: "John" and I have been best friends for nearly 30 years. He's the first person I think of calling on the weekend, he was my Best Man at my wedding, and I know I can count him for anything.
His weakness is that he drinks too much. Like most alcoholics, he started slow. Weekends at first, then regular appearances at a bar, and then regular binges. All of his friends and relatives have noticed, but all of our attempts an Intervention failed. He doesn't think he's got a problem, and he's never gotten drunk at work, so we've just been waiting for him to hit bottom. After that, we know we can offer to help. But after twelve years, he's still in free fall.
Recently, though, he's been dropping hints that have people worried--not just me! A few months ago during a campout, a mutual friend of ours tried to talk to him about his drinking; he warned "John" that terrible things were likely to happen and "John" replied, "The damage is done! There's nothing that anyone can do!" He refused to elaborate.
Last week I got a package of pictures that he and I had drawn together in an art class when we were in Middle School. He's always been a big collector of stuff--why would he just give it to me? I asked him that and he said in an off-handed manner, "Oh, I'm just cleaning house." I want to believe that, but I'm afraid for him.
I've looked up the long-term effects of alcoholism, and he definitely fits into the profile of a Stage-Three Alcoholic--with the exception of job-related problems. He's always been careful not to let it interfere with his work, but when he talks it's usually about the newest bars and breweries that he's been to.
I love him like a brother, but I honestly think I'm watching him die. The trouble is, I don't think I can stop him. The old bromide that you can't save anyone unless they want to be saved is very true. I just wish there was some way I could find out if he's reached the terminal stage.
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I got together with him over the weekend, along with some mutual friends. Although I was never able to broach the question to him (he walked away or changed the subject), I did talk about with my other friends. They've all noticed his behavior (in one instance, so had one friend's wife) but they too have experienced frustration in getting him to pay attention.
I did learn one other thing: John *has* shown up at work drunk on more than one occasion. He remarked that he has simply "worked through" his drunkenness, and dismissed the seriousness of it--the implication being that he is always in control. Of course, if he really was in control he wouldn't be drunk in the first place, would he?
I've researched alcoholism on a number of different websites, and my friend appears to be in the middle of the third stage, where everyone around him is aware of his problem. I've also researched the kinds of health problems he's going to be facing, and the prognosis is pretty grim.
Perhaps a group intervention would work. If I organized everyone around him, would he listen? I don't know. I hope so.
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