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Date: 12/1/2008 3:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 62849
That's a tricky situation, because there's no good time to tell someone something like that. I think it depends on how long you've known you've had the illness and how good a handle on it you have. Part of me thinks that telling him right away is the right thing to do- so that if he decides he can't deal with it, no one has to get attached before he decides he doesn't want to be involved. Now, on the flip side, it's possible that if he gets to know you first and you hit it off and you wait to tell him until you start to get more serious, then there might be a chance that he'd be willing to stick around. But I really don't know. I generally default to "honesty is the best policy." If this is something he can contract, then it's probably best that he knows right away. That is not something you want to admit right before you get intimate..  |
Date: 12/1/2008 3:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 62100
I agree with Beags- it's always best to get things out in the open and upfront in the beginning of a friendship that you feel could potentially progress.  |
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Date: 12/1/2008 3:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 10657
I think you should tell him now and let him make his own choice. If, you wait and both you begin to develop even stronger feelings if, he feels as if; it was something you should have told him then, you risk the chance of losing him. If, you tell him now you risk the chance of losing nothing.  |
Date: 12/1/2008 3:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 21903
I almost say after you've dated (but not slept together yet)..I can see where someone would argue that is misleading, but I don't feel it is...it is being a normal person and starting a normal relationship. Now, before it gets very serious, you really do need to tell him. But I feel that throwing it out there right now is nearly the equivalent of saying "I want to get married asap and have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence." It will send him running needlessly before he has a chance to get to know YOU and not your illness. Good luck figuring out what to do *HUGS*  |
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Date: 12/1/2008 3:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 21903
And I think Beags has a very valid point/argument there...if you DO choose to wait, there is the chance he might not be able to deal...so whether or not you are becoming "attached," you would have to accept that he might not be able to deal and want to run. Again, I wish you luck with this decision! |
Date: 12/1/2008 4:24:00 PM
From Authorid: 64498
Be Honest right from the get go  |
Date: 12/1/2008 4:38:00 PM
From Authorid: 64637
I think that you should tell him right off the bat, and if he likes you then he will stick around, and if it isn't meant to be then obviously he isn't mr. right. Besides, it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like that, and I bet that if he is the one, than he will be more attracted to you because you did.JMO HUGS  |
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Date: 12/1/2008 4:57:00 PM
From Authorid: 62722
Tell him, if he is truly wonderful, you both will come through this with flying colors, if not, move on, no point in trying to work the unworkable, there are those among us who cannot handle these things, conversly, there those among us who have no problem with it and life is cheerier. We handle situations not always the same. . . .does not make us evil, just different, prayers for your success.  |
Date: 12/1/2008 5:39:00 PM
From Authorid: 43991
There's a stigma associated with epilepsy. It's extremely hard to date someone like me, who cannot drive, who has seizures so bad she ends up in the hospital constantly, and since my seizures are not under control I could have one at any time.. which is rather embarrassing. During my seizures I often loose control of my bladder.. this could happen on a first date.. thank god it hasn't, but still.. ugh, how ungodly embarrassing it would be.  That's why I have to make sure the guys I date are understanding and know way ahead a time basically "what they are getting into" when they date me. I know it's a really different situation.. but for me it's really hard. It's such a hard thing to tell someone, and I'm kind of embarrassed about it, and it's hard and awkward to bring up.. and just weird. Most people don't know much about epilepsy and just don't really understand. Anyway.. ((hugs)) I know how you feel! I agree with others, and that you should let him know sooner than later. = )  |
Date: 12/1/2008 6:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
He definitely needs to know before you 2 get intimate, but I would wait to tell him until you get to know him much better and it looks like it's going somewhere serious. I can't speak everyone, but I personally would not hold it against someone for not sharing that sort of information about themselves right away, especially since this is supposed to be mainly about how we get along on the interpersonal level, and not the "s" word.  |
Date: 12/1/2008 6:29:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 63201
Thank you for such wonderful advice! I think I will probably hold off telling him until we meet in person and see if we click. I worry that if I tell him too soon, he might shy off without ever trying to understand "me" for the real me, not the illness. It's hard to just go out there and put my heart on the line like that, but I think if we meet, and things go well, then I will disclose. Thank you all so much *hugs and love*  |
Date: 12/1/2008 7:21:00 PM
From Authorid: 4995
I think you are making the right decision.  |
Date: 12/1/2008 8:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 7830
if you want him to potentially love and accept YOU..then he needs to know YOU. i wouldnt wait...be honest.  |
Date: 12/1/2008 8:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 37150
TELL him IMMEDIATELY! I'm sorry, but there should be no secrets in any relationship, especially not at the beginning of one. If he runs away, then he's not the one.  |
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Date: 12/1/2008 10:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
While honesty is important, so is timing. |
Date: 12/1/2008 11:05:00 PM
From Authorid: 63194
When it comes to online dating (something I myself would never do) I think you should be upfront before even talking  |
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